Thursday, September 30, 2010

What started out as a recipe post, has turned into a confessional

While this post is a result of a recent web search, I have been struggling with this for the past two years. This post while helpful for me, is at the same time VERY emotional for me to sit down and put into words. So please excuse me if I start to ramble.

Have you ever known something about yourself, but almost refused to accept or see it? If you have answered yes, you are not alone. In January of 2009 I was diagnosed with PCOS. What the Heck is that? PCOS is a term that has forever changed my life. It means Poly Csytic Ovarian Syndrome. PCOS is commonly linked to infirtility. Which is what led to the diagnosis I received.

My husband and I were married in August of 2007. He and I both wanted children right away. Through various pre-marriage discussions we decided to take a leap of faith and not use any kind of birth control. That December I took my first pregnancy test. It was negative. January came and went as normal. February, I took my second, third, fourth and fifth pregnancy tests. I ended up being 20 days late!!! This has never before happened! Never!! March came and went. Nothing. April... May... Nothing! June came as a shock, I was finally "normal" again. I had started to get pretty worried at this point, but had been reading on the Internet that stress, and a few other factors in my life were probably the reasons for my recent monthly changes. July came and was almost over when I started to get a weird and quite uncomfortable ache in my stomach. I was nauseous, and tired. I was also, well to say cranky would be putting it mildly. My husband and I both began to feel hopeful that things were finally happening for us. So, again with the home pregnancy tests. ALL NEGATIVE! ALL OF THEM!! Not that I took that many. Maybe 4 or 5... The point was, it that I was only making my self more crazy with each test. Each month after that, I grew increasingly sad, and then frustrated. I kept wondering what was wrong, but didn't want to believe that something could have actually been wrong. My husband finally convinced me to see a doctor and at least get some peace of mind.

I went to the Dr.

He ran all kinds of test based on the story and information that I had given him. Before leaving his office, he had explained that it could be a syndrome where cysts form on a woman's ovaries causing them not to ovulate, therefore making it almost impossible have any sort of normal life, for those who are trying to get pregnant. Before he could confirm that I had this syndrome he had to run a few specific tests. He took blood, and sent me off site to get an ultrasound done. By the way, and I have no idea of this at the time, not all ultrasounds are external. Especially when your grandma wants to come along with you to give you moral support. How was I supposed to know. 'Nuff said!!

Three days later I get a call saying my results are in, and that I need to make and appt to have my Dr read me the results. As I sat in the pretty room looking at my ovaries on a monitor, I found an answer to what was going on. I had two 6cm cysts on my left ovary. The rest of the visit was pretty much a blur, I could not take my eyes off the monitor and the two cysts that stood between me and motherhood. By the way, this condition affects only 5-10% of women in the world . And is a main cause of infertility in those women. I walked slowly to my car, holding pamphlets that were supposed to reassure me that I was not alone, and that there was hope. Yeah Right... I sat in my car and just cried. I have since January 2009 cried every single month, when the dream of being a mother has slipped further and further away. I am angry. My poor sweet husband has sat with me and cried, and sat with me while I have yelled, and have thrown fits of utter frustration.

Some days I only get through the day because I KNOW that there is hope. I just have moments when I choose to not believe it. Because of this syndrome, I have not been able to maintain a healthy weight. And because of my weight, I have not been able to treat the syndrome properly. So, for months I have ignored it. February of this year, I started to work out harder than I have since I tot married. I was working out 4 to 5 times a week. I worked out like this until June. Skipping workout sessions for a week at a time was not unheard of, but I really felt like I was giving it a proper effort. Those around me who were working out just like I was, were starting to lose, but not me. I DID NOT LOSE ONE FREAKING POUND! Not a one. I have not been back to the gym since June. Thankfully, I have not gained anymore weight, but I most certainly have not lost any either.

Ok, so now that I have vented I am coming to a resolution. My husband is away on a hunt this week, and I am all alone. For some reason this evening, tonight I came home and felt the need to once again to research how I can lose weight, and hopefully eliminate the effects of my PCOS. I want to not only become physically healthy, but I want to become emotionally healthy again. I have a little more hope today for the future than I did yesterday.

I knew that becuase of the PCOS my body creates an insulin resistance. I thought I knew what foods to eat, and stay away from, but before tonight, I didnt REALLY understand them. Or at least I have not been as receptive of this information. I guess I was really ready receive the information.

I am starting a new lifestyle tomorrow. Starting with this simple breakfast. And you know what? It happens to be one of my favorite breakfast meals!!

Here is to Hoping again!!

Friday, September 24, 2010

What is in my purse

While playing around in blog land this afternoon, I came across a post that caught my eye. It was entitled "What's in your bag?" It's no secret to those who see me on a regular basis that I love purses! L-O-V-E them! And, over the years my purses have progressively gotten bigger and bigger. Until this year that is. I've learned that bigger is not always better. Don't get my wrong, I still have a soft spot for the big bold statement bags, but I have recently taken to smaller more manageable bags.

When seen with my huge bags I get the same question a lot. "What do you have in there!?"

Here it is, this is what it is my bag today! please excuse the pictures, as they are taken from my phone since I am at work right now. (psst, don't judge)

1-Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Lotion
2-I-pod Nano
3-Floral note pad
8-flower earrings
10-hair ties
11-bobby pins
12-mani/pedi on the go set
13-Cool Water perfume
14-Twelve different types/shades of lip gloss and lipstick (Another obsession...)
15- Cell phone (not pictured)
And there we have it. That is what I keep in my purse.

Jump on over to Nice Girl Notes and see what others have been carrying in their purses!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I am in LOVE with this throw pillow.

Let begin by saying, that for the last three weeks I have been up to my ears in throw pillows, reclaimed barn wood, paint, and fabric! A month from today I will be setting up shop in a booth to show the world, or at least a small part of the world, what I have been up to.

Which leads me to this post, and my very first tutorial! So let's get down to business.

I am super in love with very natural fabrics for the last few months. I love the raw simplicity.

I started out with two 16"x 16" squares of this fabric.

I have been using this twine on a lot of my projects lately. I just let the twine to the job for me on this one. I cut a piece and let it lay on the fabric. Once I got the effect I wanted, I used some tacking glue, and put a small dab in a few places to hold it down.
From there, I cut out a few more small strips and made some smaller branches. Again, I used the glue to just keep them in place.

Once the glue was dry, I took a needle and thread and secured the branches to the fabric. (This took a LONG time!)

I knew that I had wanted to do this branch pillow last week, so I went ahead and cut out some leaves from some green burlap and a scrap piece of green fabric I had. So I don't have a picture of that.

I placed the leaves where I felt they looked best, and pinned them down. Let me just say that I have NEVER done any type of applique before, and I was really nervous at how this would turn out. Especially since I wanted it to work so bad!

Personally I think it turned out great!! It was much easier that I thought it was going to be. Once I sewed on all the leaves. It was time to sew the pillow together.

An here is my finished project! Minus the stuffing, because I am out of that at the moment.

I love how it turned out!! I am going to have to make a few more so that I can have some at my home as well as in my craft booth.

I have linked this post to the following: (The links are on my left sidebar! Click and see what others have made!!)
Fabric Fun Thursday
Strut your Stuff Thursday at some what simple
Get your craft on Thursday at Life with Lori
It's sew stinking Cute
Tea Rose Home