Have you ever known something about yourself, but almost refused to accept or see it? If you have answered yes, you are not alone. In January of 2009 I was diagnosed with PCOS. What the Heck is that? PCOS is a term that has forever changed my life. It means Poly Csytic Ovarian Syndrome. PCOS is commonly linked to infirtility. Which is what led to the diagnosis I received.
My husband and I were married in August of 2007. He and I both wanted children right away. Through various pre-marriage discussions we decided to take a leap of faith and not use any kind of birth control. That December I took my first pregnancy test. It was negative. January came and went as normal. February, I took my second, third, fourth and fifth pregnancy tests. I ended up being 20 days late!!! This has never before happened! Never!! March came and went. Nothing. April... May... Nothing! June came as a shock, I was finally "normal" again. I had started to get pretty worried at this point, but had been reading on the Internet that stress, and a few other factors in my life were probably the reasons for my recent monthly changes. July came and was almost over when I started to get a weird and quite uncomfortable ache in my stomach. I was nauseous, and tired. I was also, well to say cranky would be putting it mildly. My husband and I both began to feel hopeful that things were finally happening for us. So, again with the home pregnancy tests. ALL NEGATIVE! ALL OF THEM!! Not that I took that many. Maybe 4 or 5... The point was, it that I was only making my self more crazy with each test. Each month after that, I grew increasingly sad, and then frustrated. I kept wondering what was wrong, but didn't want to believe that something could have actually been wrong. My husband finally convinced me to see a doctor and at least get some peace of mind.
I went to the Dr.
He ran all kinds of test based on the story and information that I had given him. Before leaving his office, he had explained that it could be a syndrome where cysts form on a woman's ovaries causing them not to ovulate, therefore making it almost impossible have any sort of normal life, for those who are trying to get pregnant. Before he could confirm that I had this syndrome he had to run a few specific tests. He took blood, and sent me off site to get an ultrasound done. By the way, and I have no idea of this at the time, not all ultrasounds are external. Especially when your grandma wants to come along with you to give you moral support. How was I supposed to know. 'Nuff said!!
Three days later I get a call saying my results are in, and that I need to make and appt to have my Dr read me the results. As I sat in the pretty room looking at my ovaries on a monitor, I found an answer to what was going on. I had two 6cm cysts on my left ovary. The rest of the visit was pretty much a blur, I could not take my eyes off the monitor and the two cysts that stood between me and motherhood. By the way, this condition affects only 5-10% of women in the world . And is a main cause of infertility in those women. I walked slowly to my car, holding pamphlets that were supposed to reassure me that I was not alone, and that there was hope. Yeah Right... I sat in my car and just cried. I have since January 2009 cried every single month, when the dream of being a mother has slipped further and further away. I am angry. My poor sweet husband has sat with me and cried, and sat with me while I have yelled, and have thrown fits of utter frustration.
Some days I only get through the day because I KNOW that there is hope. I just have moments when I choose to not believe it. Because of this syndrome, I have not been able to maintain a healthy weight. And because of my weight, I have not been able to treat the syndrome properly. So, for months I have ignored it. February of this year, I started to work out harder than I have since I tot married. I was working out 4 to 5 times a week. I worked out like this until June. Skipping workout sessions for a week at a time was not unheard of, but I really felt like I was giving it a proper effort. Those around me who were working out just like I was, were starting to lose, but not me. I DID NOT LOSE ONE FREAKING POUND! Not a one. I have not been back to the gym since June. Thankfully, I have not gained anymore weight, but I most certainly have not lost any either.
Ok, so now that I have vented I am coming to a resolution. My husband is away on a hunt this week, and I am all alone. For some reason this evening, tonight I came home and felt the need to once again to research how I can lose weight, and hopefully eliminate the effects of my PCOS. I want to not only become physically healthy, but I want to become emotionally healthy again. I have a little more hope today for the future than I did yesterday.
I knew that becuase of the PCOS my body creates an insulin resistance. I thought I knew what foods to eat, and stay away from, but before tonight, I didnt REALLY understand them. Or at least I have not been as receptive of this information. I guess I was really ready receive the information.
I am starting a new lifestyle tomorrow. Starting with this simple breakfast. And you know what? It happens to be one of my favorite breakfast meals!!
Here is to Hoping again!!
